- love yourself like kanye loves himself
- believe in yourself like kanye believes in himself
- know you’re the shit like kanye knows he’s the shit
This is actually really great because Kanye West has fought depression and suicide this sort of confidence worked for him and wow Kanye West. Anyone who is depressed, believe you are the Kanye Best.
I have not found the words to say from where our last conversation may have left off, if any. I, however, have thought of the words I might have said to you had I taken the chance to speak to you person to person. I hope you knew I was always the sort of person to be honest and always striving for betterment. That did not include not speaking to you again which of course was unintentional. I think it may have been that hardened surface you spoke of as yourself. That I had to peel it off to find the softer you. Maybe a deep part of me knew I shoudn’t have had to do any of that. But my young, naive self didn’t fully realize that on my own surface. Nonetheless, I am writing this because I have always, I suppose, wanted to get back in touch with you if only for a friendly fleeting moment. Only to tell you that I never meant to get so out of touch with you and that I always had part of you in my heart. Not as a lover, but as someone I did once care a lot about. Also not romantically.
I no longer remember what I had to say. Not specifically. Also because well, you were quite the asshole. Rubbing your wisdom and knowledge wherever you seemed to feel superior to all beings, especially women. You once mentioned I reminded you of those females that never returned your calls, those that did not know what they wanted out of their male counterparts.
I can still hear you speak of belittling things. Of me. I am not complaining nor do I care much for it now; the younger me really did care. Mostly because I still did not know even my own true identity.
I still may not know but I do know more. Of course I know more. But, I think I now realize my hesitation to pursue anything serious with you. I did not want to but I asked anyway - if you could wait for me. I think it was weeks later I had found out you broke it off with some other chick. I totally understood, with silent exchanges between us, that you couldn’t nor did not want to wait since it was unfair to ask that of you with not one ounce of inkling to how long. But shit, it sucked to know you couldn’t. Like I said, it was completely understandable.
I couldn’t speak to you the same as I had done before. I still remember your admiration in my xanga writings. I also still remember almost exactly what you said, or along the lines of. That what I wrote wasn’t as what you’d expect, that I was “interesting”, I think. Anyway, now I want to say, I guess, that I am glad I did not commit to anything. I felt guilty then when I hadn’t. For some time after, too. Even after you ending it with the other. (Still shocked about that one though, hah.) Only because, mentioned earlier, I truly did not know myself. I might have gotten caught busy trying peel off your toughened shell instead of exploring my own. I may have also allowed myself to drown in your unkindness.
Now I am not writing this to mention any negativity. Just being honest, as you always wanted. As I always expected as well from you. I will never be like the others you were so apt to compare me to after. Maybe you knew that. I don’t know. Just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well. Actually, I am sure you are. You made such a dramatic impact on my life that, NO, I do not think of constantly. Ok maybe not dramatic but you were the only one I cared much about without ever meeting in person. I remember our first phone call. I was so embaressed. I felt like I needed to perform for you. To your expectations of me. Second call seemed to have cleared what was my apparent un-social skills. I am glad you were kind to me, at one point or another. I just dont want you to think I was just another person. Maybe I am to you. Idc. I try to think of the fun times.
Signing off with a good note. I truly hope you are well and happy. I am still glad I met you. Take care now.
ps. Yeah, I still have trouble expressing myself clearly. Oh well. Ta-ta!